A
By: Anonymous
Date: 2023-08-20T00:33:25.752403Z
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Date: 2023-08-20T00:33:25.752403Z
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Date: 2023-08-20T05:18:27.693508Z
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Date: 2023-08-20T04:10:05.371971Z
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Date: 2023-08-18T19:56:45.087879Z
Thats a big question to answer bc our view for ourselves doesn't match with others. Either is better or worse. I believe that if you know yourself then u can do or don't whats right or wrong. I was always proud of myself even for my mistakes or decisions that either was for my future or my personal matters. I am an introvert Sagittarius even at 37 i have those moments but I'm there whenever u need me, I'm your crying shoulder I'm ready to kill fory family and my loved ones. I will hear you i will tell you my opinion but the choise is yours. So I'm proud of me and myself bc i haven't let anything to change me. I'll always be Evi !!!! P.s DON'T ALLOW ANYONE AND ANYTHING TO CHANGE U
Date: 2023-08-21T02:53:05.978963Z
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Date: 2023-08-19T04:35:33.801881Z
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Date: 2023-08-19T01:59:25.234510Z
When I achieve my goals that I have set out for myself and by others like my mentor who knows how to push me and allows me to make mistakes but is there when I need his advice. Me knowing that people who have said or even thought that I wasnt worth the time or energy to believe in are always proven wrong when I achieve my goals and they are still where they are at blamming everyone but themselves where they are. I have been around people who blame their life on the government not protecting them and giving others handouts but them when it's really about their choices in life of what they achive and don't achive. Everytime I achieve something I brag about it to myself everyday that "Hey I achieve that goal which I thought was so hard but really it was super easy so what's my next goal going to be and is it going to teach me a new skill or something new about myself that I just happen to wake up inside of me." That is how great people over come their problems and allow to improve themselves everyday. I also learn from not achieving goals that I need to find a different route to it because route a didn't work out for me but maybe route b will. Even if I fail from achieving the goal I know I try my hardest and I will be better next time I set that same goal. I also enjoy seeing the looks of my haters when they know that I'm achieving my goals and they arent because of their choices. It's all about believing in yourself and not listening to what others say about you that will make you succeed or fail. If you get the haters in your head with their negativity then they win but if you have them in your head as positive thoughts like "You wont make a million dollars in a year" instead you say "I wont make a million dollars in a year instead I will make a million dollars in 6 months." Then you have won the battle no matter what the out come is. Stay positive and use negative as the fuel for you to make your goals and so how much you have grown as a person.
Date: 2020-01-22T19:09:45.726471Z
I thought about this for a while... what scares me the most? If we are talking “superficial” then I’d say toads. I will have a panic attack and start crying if I see a toad. My heart skips a beat and everything. Frogs are not that great either but I can handle them better. Lol a story for another time. Once I seriously considered it for a bit more it hit me. This has been something that’s scared me since I was in high school. So, I guess what scares me the most is losing control of my body. Personally I think that the biggest betrayal is that of your body — losing control. -SIGH- I haven’t had any serious Illnesses, just small chronic things that add up sometimes. Things that made me appreciate life and my health. This is the main reason why I run, because I know one day I won’t be able to. I won’t be able to run up or down the stairs, although my grandma knees and messed up back already struggle with that sometimes. Then there’s the fear of my brain betraying me too, which kind of already happened. Having a thought being trapped in your head but not being able to put it out there. Memory loss... The frustration. I don’t want to be limited by my body and brain not communicating properly either. I think that’s why I’m a little more reckless, a little more aloof. Why I try to get away whenever I can, why I don’t take things so seriously, why I could care less about a “successful career” when there’s so much more out there. This is why I try to be a little bit kinder. If I leave then let them remember me because I made them laugh and feel a little bit better, like someone cared. So to sum it up my fear is losing myself. Not because I’m afraid of dying or anything. I just feel like there’s so much more I want to do, so much to fix and love. To be a bit less reckless after my last conversation with my grandmother, where she told me every time I’m off in the world she worries and prays for me everyday. To end this bit of cathartic writing I leave you with this... shingles can get you when you’re in your 20’s! You don’t have to be 70+, apparently it can be triggered by stress, go figure lol. Don’t sweat the small stuff... or the big stuff. Enjoy it all. Song: Don’t Keep Driving - The Paper Kites
Date: 2021-04-09T13:16:03.288737Z
It happened this very night, around 8 pm. I seriously don't know, if I just wanted attention, get noticed or I really wanted to cut my wrist, end my life. The good thing is I didn't succeed, the bad thing is that grandma caught me and I have nowhere to hide the cutter. I got scolded, and all I said is "Please shut up, stop" and if she haven't stop I'll go much crazy. To leave the chaos I put my earphones on, and volumes to the extent. The thing is, after getting caught, I cried realizing what I did or I just cried because I have to. Like, covering it up. Afterwards, grandma had finished speaking and went out, I thought I'll have a slap with what I did, gladly I have not. I get a blank piece of paper, draw, got bored and held my phone again and type. My life's kinda messed up, and this is just an inch of what happened tonight. Sometimes I find myself, scary.
Date: 2020-04-04T19:09:56.117982Z
I don't know if I can say for certain if I have ever fallen in love. Maybe once. Since then it has become harder to say that I have or that I even can, for trusting someone has become close to impossible for me. And here’s why. Writing has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. Accepting it has been a difficult journey for me due to people I’ve met along the way. When I was young and naive, I dated a guy who was three years older than me. I was amazed by his “success” at such a young age —thinking of it now he wasn't at all, I was simply inexperienced and gullible. We met in college and I fell for him at a time when, if I'm being honest, I probably shouldn't have. He was like no one I had ever met before and he “fought” to be with me. Months passed, we dated briefly and finally we were in a fully committed relationship. At the beginning I loved him the only way I knew how. We both made many mistakes and instead of overcoming them we held them over each other’s heads. As time passed, things devolved. I didn't realize I was being abused, not physically, emotionally. Simple comments intended to control me in every way possible. I wasn't allowed to think what I wanted or even say what I wanted, I had to agree with his posture in all things he had an opinion on. At a certain point, two years into our relationship, he was all too confident he had me under his iron fist. He wasn’t wrong, at some point he did, but I began to see the abuse. Minor comments from my friends and family, his actions and insults. Unfortunately it took something more for me to realize that I had to leave and quick. He went right for my heart with the intention to drown me forever more. We were talking about the future and he asked me what I wanted to do for a living. I hoped he would be kind and supportive. I hoped he could change — I had invested too much of my time not to hope a little. "I want to write, create worlds out of thin air. I want to welcome people to my worlds, inspire them to create" I said, a smile drawn across my face. He looked into my eyes. I could tell they were filled with contempt. His girlfriend couldn't possibly want to waste her life away writing books, do something which he didn’t approve of. If she did have success, how can she dare imagine a world were HE wasn’t relevant? "Nowadays no one reads, besides it's not like you're gonna be the next J. K. Rowling." He hadn't intended them to be inspirational, they were meant to wreck whatever remained of my former self. They meant to say: "You are never gonna make it as a writer, you’re gonna stay at home and take care of our children like a woman should." He didn't even look at me. He turned to face his computer and ignored me. He opened up his email and checked for news on upcoming videogames. That's how I remember it. He probably said something else afterwards to make me feel better or changed the subject, but it didn't matter anymore. He had finally lost me. I walked to the bathroom and cried. I thought I would cry for hours but I didn't, I walked out a few seconds later and acted as usual. When I got home, that was when I felt the pain. His words shouldn't have been so gut-wrenching. I had made them strong by allowing him to have so much power over me, but the damage had been done. He spar the words I feared the most, I would never make it as a writer and even if I did I would be tiny, insignificant. Instead of facing my fear, I buried the idea, my dream of becoming a famous author evaporated from my grasp. I trusted a man to stand by my side and lift me up. Instead I let in a demon whose only purpose was to morph me into what he deemed to be the perfect woman, a speechless mannequin. Trust is a difficult concept to grasp and harder to find because those you may trust may not be worthy of the trust you bestow on them. I have yet to find someone I feel safe enough to trust. That is my greatest fault.