A
By: Anonymous
Date: 2023-08-20T00:33:25.752403Z
-
Date: 2023-08-20T00:33:25.752403Z
-
Date: 2023-08-20T05:18:27.693508Z
-
Date: 2023-08-18T19:56:45.087879Z
Thats a big question to answer bc our view for ourselves doesn't match with others. Either is better or worse. I believe that if you know yourself then u can do or don't whats right or wrong. I was always proud of myself even for my mistakes or decisions that either was for my future or my personal matters. I am an introvert Sagittarius even at 37 i have those moments but I'm there whenever u need me, I'm your crying shoulder I'm ready to kill fory family and my loved ones. I will hear you i will tell you my opinion but the choise is yours. So I'm proud of me and myself bc i haven't let anything to change me. I'll always be Evi !!!! P.s DON'T ALLOW ANYONE AND ANYTHING TO CHANGE U
Date: 2023-08-20T04:10:05.371971Z
-
Date: 2023-08-21T02:53:05.978963Z
-
Date: 2023-08-19T04:35:33.801881Z
-
Date: 2023-08-19T01:59:25.234510Z
When I achieve my goals that I have set out for myself and by others like my mentor who knows how to push me and allows me to make mistakes but is there when I need his advice. Me knowing that people who have said or even thought that I wasnt worth the time or energy to believe in are always proven wrong when I achieve my goals and they are still where they are at blamming everyone but themselves where they are. I have been around people who blame their life on the government not protecting them and giving others handouts but them when it's really about their choices in life of what they achive and don't achive. Everytime I achieve something I brag about it to myself everyday that "Hey I achieve that goal which I thought was so hard but really it was super easy so what's my next goal going to be and is it going to teach me a new skill or something new about myself that I just happen to wake up inside of me." That is how great people over come their problems and allow to improve themselves everyday. I also learn from not achieving goals that I need to find a different route to it because route a didn't work out for me but maybe route b will. Even if I fail from achieving the goal I know I try my hardest and I will be better next time I set that same goal. I also enjoy seeing the looks of my haters when they know that I'm achieving my goals and they arent because of their choices. It's all about believing in yourself and not listening to what others say about you that will make you succeed or fail. If you get the haters in your head with their negativity then they win but if you have them in your head as positive thoughts like "You wont make a million dollars in a year" instead you say "I wont make a million dollars in a year instead I will make a million dollars in 6 months." Then you have won the battle no matter what the out come is. Stay positive and use negative as the fuel for you to make your goals and so how much you have grown as a person.
Date: 2019-03-07T05:06:02Z
I could see the stage when I opened the large theater doors the first time, when they told me "The theater will open in a few minutes". So I stood waiting in the hall outside, Had I seen boxes with large red bows on the stage? It's gotta be a game show type bingo this time, something about the bows told me the winner, something about the way the person had tied it. To get up to the stage would be almost impossible, the place had 2,500 seats and if it was full that would be a longshot in itself right? But to be a bingo player, infact to be any kind of gambler you need to believe that longshots are for everyone else, to believe that you are luckier than the average person, or that you possess some skill that puts the odds in your favor. I am that bingo player, no matter how many times I have not won, I have never lost. Some of the happiest times I have had have been when I was waiting for that last number before I can scream BINGO! In Bingo lingo that's called being "On" and being "On" is being very excited so it is winning even before or even if you don't win the game. So I was happy to be there, happy to buy my card, happy to just play, but there was that box and I knew which one I would pick if I got the chance. There were about four games before the big one, the one with the boxes I was close on a couple maybe even "On" for one of them, but they paid like $150 or $200. The big game was going to be for potentially $1,000 depending on, sure enough... The boxes! I knew it! So I paid very close attention and just as I had dreamed I got "On" and then right away got my number "47"the caller said, I jumped up waving my paper BINGO! The crowd gave a collective sigh, this is what always happens when someone yells bingo in any game but for a potential $1,000 game it's louder and followed usually by applause because it's nice that someone may get that much, especially when there is no guarantee, you want to root for the person never for the house it's a gamblers credo. I was shaking right away because I had worn my most ridiculous outfit for this game because I was celebrating my anniversary that day and was in a goofy kind of mood, I had on a sequined cat ears tiara, and silly short pants, not at all what I would have wanted to be on a stage wearing when I was trying to win a big prize in front of 2,000 people. Wardrobe aside I was going to choose my box! So I grabbed hold of the nice young man host and foisted myself up there, really trying not to think about how I looked, I was just gonna go with it, these people don't pay my rent, what do I care if they think I'm goofy? I am goofy, and I'm going to win that $1,000!! So it was set up like Deal or no Deal, I was to pick my box and then we would open boxes eliminating amounts until we reached my box and I could trade boxes if I wanted and so on. Right away the audience hated my box. I had chosen #1 from the time I opened that door before they were open, but the audience wanted #3. I thought boy they really don't see what I see, I would stick with my gut #1 it is. So I choose their box #3 to open first it was low like $150 great! Now I started to get nervous, doubt starts to work it's way in about now because it became a reality that I could be a skillful box picker. Next I pick #4, $250 the crowd goes wild I've really won them over, we all want me to win now. I'm on a roll now he asks if I want to switch boxes, do I want to change horses in midstream? Am I loyal to box # 1? Yes I am, I open #5 it's $400! Leaving me with one $300 and one $1000 left. Now I am shaking and just wanting it to be over, now I just want my box even if it's $300 l'm a winner right??! No I do not want to change boxes, I feel like he knows something now, he knows I'm going to win, he has me open my box #1!!! A gold bag with the numbers $1000 written on it, Yahoo! The crowd goes wild and I, with my ridiculous outfit, pass out right there in front of the whole entire boat.
Date: 2025-12-29T05:03:42.279848Z
Thankfully, I didn’t go hypomanic. I was just in a great mood and eager to make plans for the future. That is wonderful. How normal and perfect. Today I took a nap in the morning and the afternoon due to side effects. Naps are great, but not conducive to completing tasks, projects, or errands. My nap this afternoon was 2 hours. I wonder what time I will get to sleep tonight. My mood is lower than yesterday. I feel like I am teetering towards depression. Despite my nap I am a little tired. I try not to give these feelings much weight. Being tired does drag me down as it does for most people. Hopefully after good night’s sleep I will be back to a normal place. Someday I will not have to pay attention to my mood states. I don’t know when, but someday. This hypervigilance feels very self-indulgent. It’s not. It’s just what I must do to stay out of the friggin psych ward. I did take down all the party decorations. I changed the linens and put on fresh duvet covers. I hauled in a chair that I had put in the shed while I had painted the spare room. I took measurements and ordered a chair cover in a fabric I think will fit the room perfectly. I did other miscellaneous chores, but I didn’t do the one I promised myself I would do. I have been meaning to call my niece since Christmas Eve, her birthday. I keep putting it off. I don’t know why. I put off reaching out to others all the time. It causes anxiety thinking about making a call or even sending a card in the mail. It feels terrible to not reach out and it feels terrible to have to push myself to do so. The crazy thing is that my niece and other family members are nice, kind, and loving. I enjoy talking with them. I feel good after hanging up the phone. I get plenty of positive reinforcement, so it really doesn’t make sense. There is one element that I didn’t include in the equation. I am a bit of a recluse. I don’t need or really want much more than my immediate family. I get stimulation with doctors, grocery clerks, and delivery drivers. That is about all I can tolerate on a daily of weekly basis. We do have friends that we see once or twice a year. I manage to hold up my end of the conversation, mostly. Often there is a letdown and a recovery period afterwards Having real and lengthy conversations with anyone other than the select few is too much, more than my system can manage. It’s just the way it is. I had planned on running a couple of errands in the morning, but I don’t feel up to it. Maybe I can find some motivation to leave the house on Tuesday. I may try to paint the closet in the spare room tomorrow. Once it’s done, I can begin to organize all the closets in the house and tidy them up. I also need to make a few calls. One is going to my doctor. I have an appointment with her next week and I don’t remember why. Hopefully they know. My memory is just not good. Psyche meds can cause brain fog. It’s a shame I have not been able to find my fog horn. Asleep: 11:00 / meds @ 8:45
Date: 2020-07-05T04:57:23.924228Z
Loving someone unconditionally Without hesitations or any doubts Not knowing who she was before you met And not caring who she is She’s standing on the corner Staring blankly at me Pulling me like a magnet I want to see through She’s got those ocean eyes I want to dive in She’s the soul you’re hoping, searching and longing. She speaks like a poem Profound and reckless It ignites all of my senses Now I want to know more Digging dipper, I’m smiling with her humor Not knowing who’s this girl in front of me But she’s someone I always knew Even before we met Even before we were born out to this earth We’re two souls from a parallel universe Bound to love, destined by faith. There are million reason for us to be apart Million valid reasons for them to separate us Am I enough? Is this a fairy tale with a happy ending? I had doubts in myself too. Fear of being accepted and Fear of what they’re going to say. I denied them the truth. I denied myself the freedom to tell the word That it’s her and me, together. I don’t want them to know. I was afraid. I was afraid of losing the only one that I love. I asked myself why ‘HE’ led me into you? Why ‘HE’ let me have these feelings towards you? And why ‘HE’ made me believe that we are made for Each other? More than half a century passed I thought this would never last. I was prepared for the worst. I already accepted the fact That one day, you will be with someone else Someone else not me. But the truth is We’re still together You stayed. It doesn’t matter anymore If we want to tell it to everyone We both know the truth Then and until now We knew in our hearts This is our secret Worth sharing Only with the ‘GREAT ONE’ who will understand. Without any judgement.