A
By: Anonymous
Date: 2023-08-20T00:33:25.752403Z
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Date: 2023-08-20T00:33:25.752403Z
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Date: 2023-08-20T05:18:27.693508Z
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Date: 2023-08-20T04:10:05.371971Z
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Date: 2023-08-18T19:56:45.087879Z
Thats a big question to answer bc our view for ourselves doesn't match with others. Either is better or worse. I believe that if you know yourself then u can do or don't whats right or wrong. I was always proud of myself even for my mistakes or decisions that either was for my future or my personal matters. I am an introvert Sagittarius even at 37 i have those moments but I'm there whenever u need me, I'm your crying shoulder I'm ready to kill fory family and my loved ones. I will hear you i will tell you my opinion but the choise is yours. So I'm proud of me and myself bc i haven't let anything to change me. I'll always be Evi !!!! P.s DON'T ALLOW ANYONE AND ANYTHING TO CHANGE U
Date: 2023-08-21T02:53:05.978963Z
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Date: 2023-08-19T04:35:33.801881Z
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Date: 2023-08-19T01:59:25.234510Z
When I achieve my goals that I have set out for myself and by others like my mentor who knows how to push me and allows me to make mistakes but is there when I need his advice. Me knowing that people who have said or even thought that I wasnt worth the time or energy to believe in are always proven wrong when I achieve my goals and they are still where they are at blamming everyone but themselves where they are. I have been around people who blame their life on the government not protecting them and giving others handouts but them when it's really about their choices in life of what they achive and don't achive. Everytime I achieve something I brag about it to myself everyday that "Hey I achieve that goal which I thought was so hard but really it was super easy so what's my next goal going to be and is it going to teach me a new skill or something new about myself that I just happen to wake up inside of me." That is how great people over come their problems and allow to improve themselves everyday. I also learn from not achieving goals that I need to find a different route to it because route a didn't work out for me but maybe route b will. Even if I fail from achieving the goal I know I try my hardest and I will be better next time I set that same goal. I also enjoy seeing the looks of my haters when they know that I'm achieving my goals and they arent because of their choices. It's all about believing in yourself and not listening to what others say about you that will make you succeed or fail. If you get the haters in your head with their negativity then they win but if you have them in your head as positive thoughts like "You wont make a million dollars in a year" instead you say "I wont make a million dollars in a year instead I will make a million dollars in 6 months." Then you have won the battle no matter what the out come is. Stay positive and use negative as the fuel for you to make your goals and so how much you have grown as a person.
Date: 2020-02-27T22:48:01.343753Z
A few poems: Why does life exist? Is it for pain? Is it for happiness? Is it for wealth? Is it for peace? Is it for hate? No. It is for love. Walk alone at night Fear of attack on the mind She’ll always fight back I walk along this road, I do not know where it goes. Some days it brings light, Some days that light is too bright. I need to hide away, Save it all for another day. But you cannot run from you, There’s only pain if you do. So remember these next lines, They explain the reason why; Love is all you need, To live this life happily. Woman; The curve of your hips, Your beautiful mind, Your soft lips, Are one of a kind. When I think of you, Your beauty makes me want to cry. I could be looking at the birth of this universe, And it could not compare to your face. This world can be so loud, Your beauty shuts it out, You are the sun, And all the light in the world. Sit beside me Come in close My arm around you Your body against mine. Love has many forms. Niece, my love is strong. Treasure these moments. You will get older, I will wither, But; Love never dies. So we will always be together.
Date: 2023-05-07T10:53:44.500635Z
I am jealous of someone else's life I wanna trade, wanna exchange so bad. I have a close friend and she has everything I don't: A happy and healthy family. A father who is dependable and emotionally present. A mother who has a strong personality and takes a stand. She's also the oldest but she doesn't look like she carries the whole family in her shoulders. She has two younger siblings who are capable and live their own lives. No generational trauma, no anxiety, no walking on eggshells around an unstable home. An outgoing and confident personality. She goes on trips when she wants. She spends time in nature, especially the ocean. She loves and rescues animals when she can. She expresses her thoughts and opinions boldly. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. A loving and dependable partner. They've been together for years. He's her best friend, strong supporter, and lover. You can see that they express their love to each other well... Everything seems to be going well for her. .... What prompted this on? I saw her post about feeling down during her review. And her boyfriend cheering her up. Last year, I was that person. Struggling to finish the reviews to pass the exam. But I was alone. No support. I survived tho. But when I think about it... My life is just sad compared to hers. I know it's not good to compare lives but it's hard not to when I'm seeing the things I want so badly but missing out.
Date: 2021-01-26T16:28:31.656729Z
His name was Tom and he used to come in everyday into the restaurant at around 8:30pm. With a friendly demeanor he acquainted himself with the staff. I believe he was from the south. That has always been a soft spot for me. Love me a southern boy. He would sit by himself at the bar and order a couple of drinks and eventually dinner. Of course, being straight, he would have the most rapport with other heterosexual men that worked there. I have always been mystified by the immediate camaraderie that can spark between two heterosexual men. Though it doesn’t always happen like that, if you play close attention, especially if there are mates involved sometimes men will look at each other in the most murderous ways. Very primal; marking their territory with their eyes. Now that I am a dog owner (a rescue dog thank you very much I am morally superior to you) I see how similar straight men are to dogs. And what seemed like a cliched comparison is actually pretty accurate. Men are dogs. More specifically heterosexual cis-gendered males are dogs. Sometimes my dog is all wagging and sniffing of butts and penises to another male dog, like they recognize each other by scent as a non-threatening friendly counterpart. Then there are times where from a distance my dog will hone in on an oncoming male canine, he will slow down his pace, point his nose towards him and approach with caution, the other dog will do the same, blood thirsty eyes piercing forward. I move to put myself in between the two beasts and they successfully ignore each other. This dance can be witnessed in real life, especially when males are introduced for the first time. Watch the next time you go to a dinner party. This kind of observation of humans as a past time rivals none. As I was saying, I’ve always found the relationship among straight men truly fascinating. In a lot of ways its simpler than those between gay men. That is a different dance, we may fuck around as freely as dogs but we interact with each other in a far more feline way, dare I say some are even reptilian? …I mean snakes. And lest not we mention women because that is a far…far…far more complicated dance.Though I suspect that this has to do with the fact that since we all abide by a certain social structure those who benefit the most, who establish and enforce said structure, reap the benefits of it: heterosexual men. Which is why there is no happiness as ingenious and corrupt as that of the straight man. The world was made for them to plunder and pillage without guilt, always fully accepting of what they are and how they behave. That is…for now. We are slowly making some headway in that department. In their world dudes among dudes voluntarily behave in a hierarchical system as well. They are pack animals. There is always an alpha to look up to, to be a fan of and they themselves are proud to be such fans. There is an incredible amount of masculine ‘fawning over’ one of the dudes. Maybe your dude is that dude or maybe your dude is the dude that is in love, in a bromance, with one of his dudes. All that is missing is for them to end up fucking each other to be a complete Spartan love affair. Perhaps that is why coming out as a gay within a hetero-pack can be so cataclysmic. Because when it comes to fraternal love it is all there, minus that forbidden fruit. Is it perhaps why, on a subconscious level, straight men are often touching each other. Watch them. Hugs, wrestling, slap on the back, shoving, slap on the thigh, pushing, slap on the ass. Slap. Push. Slap. Shove. Slap. If some old farts hadn’t decided during the Roman transition from Pagan to Christianism that they really needed to repopulate for labor, wars and general exploitation of the lower clases maybe gay sex wouldn’t have been discouraged and eventually falsely interpreted in said holly books as a no-no. If that hadn’t happened, I wonder, men might be even happier? That sexual repression freed perhaps would devoid the world of sexual violence? Just think what else would be different in this alternate universe, AIDS pandemic? Solved! Birth control ad overpopulation? Not even an issue! Wars? Nah, bro we too busy making looooove to each other. As a budding homosexual, witnessing this casual slapping of the ass that dudes do to each other during sports was the beginning of my ‘straight lusting.’ What is that you ask? It is the obsession and fetishization of heterosexual men by homosexual men. It’s odd at times, almost reminiscent of a type of Stockholm syndrome, falling in love with the oppressor, with the bully, with the enemy. I feared straight men as much as I desired them when I was in high school. As an adult I mostly pity women for having to put up with some of these men with unedited personalities, perpetual child-like behaviors and even more ghastly manners. Pobrecitas. But every now and again will come a straight one that is, well, just fine. There is an aura of mystery around him because even the women cannot believe he is straight. They go running for a consultation at their nearest gay’s house. Do you think he is gay? Is he? IS HE???! And it is that kind of unicorn that we, they gays, lust after the most. The fantasy and the thirst to convert, or just temporarily make him explore, the dark side. To prove to the ladies that in fact he is part of our team. It is the black belt of the gay-dom. The gold in the gay olympics. The oscar in the-…wait no the oscars are gay enough already never-mind. You get the point. Back to Tom. There I was, flaming gay me in my mid twenties wearing a really loud colored shirt. Half my head was shaved and sometimes I would wear eyeliner. I just wanted to look as cool and unapproachable as possible. I remember looking at him, his dreamy eyes and his smile as he waved at me while I clean-stroked the steam pipe in the cappuccino machine. I would wait patiently anytime I talked to him for a sparkle, a flicker, a sign in his eyes that he was into me. The gay gaze if you will. It’s a thing we gays develop because we had to be undercover rainbow spies (felt cheesy might delete later) for the first couple of decades of our lives if not more! The stare that last longer than a few seconds where even if they might not know it their subconscious sexual drive betrays them. But nothing! Something worse was happening: he wanted to be my friend, like, in a non-sexual way! I was really offended. One night after closing we were all at Max Fish on the lower east side and I was drowning myself with cheap tequila. He was nice enough to get me water and take care of me despite me calling him a cockteaser multiple times. The next day when he said I was mean to him because he wasn’t gay. And then I realized I had turned into what I had loathed. I was behaving like a straight guy does when a girl does not like him but she wants to be his friend. I sat the fuck down. Lesson learned.